What is Love?

Love is a word constructed by man to describe indescribable feelings, emotions and experiences. Love is a verb. Love is a noun. Love is an adjective. Love is not a preposition. I bet you didn't know this about Love though:

Love is a lunar impact crater on the far side of the Moon. It is located just to the north of the Perepelkin crater. The Prager crater is nearly contacting the northeastern rim. To the northwest is Bečvář crater.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love (crater)

The Meaning of Soul and The Benefits of Jibber Jabber

I wrote these thoughts of mine sitting alone in the Elephant Room in Austin, TX on a cold and dreary Sunday night waiting on a friend of mine who stood me up. I have to say, I have no time for flakes in my life. No more wasted time, or wasted energy spent on flakes. You flake on me once, you will never get the chance to flake on me again.

I've got a heart. I've got a lonely feeling. I'm sitting at this table for two trying to figure out is it my heart that feels this pain, this hurt, this desire to be with someone, to connect with someone, or is it my nerve endings? It's Soul. I know what it is, it's my Soul. My Soul is the source inside me that drives me everyday. It's the light that will eventually leave my body, shut off, check out, move on, or simply disappear just as it appeared when I took my first breath. Where does it come from? What does it do? What is it? How does it feel things, sense things like danger, love, pain, comfort? What am I? I know I'm human but what am I: skin, bone, flesh, blood, lungs, teeth, muscles, tendons, ligaments, intestines, hair, eyes and brain. What am I exactly, could someone please explain all this to me? What the heck am I? Who are we? Why am I here? What am I doing on this earth at this time?

I'm a living, breathing, walking, talking, thinking pile of life, but what purpose do I serve? Mostly, I'm alone. I live alone. I go to work alone. I eat alone. I exercise alone. I sleep alone. I wake up alone, shower alone. Sometimes all this aloneness feels like prison, worse than prison actually. Sometimes I wonder what did I do to deserve this aloneness. I've had my share of partners, lovers and friends but why me? What is God telling me? Why does everyone else seem so happy, so content? I watch them interacting as I sit at this table alone. The only person talking to me is the waitress who just wants my money and tip. It seems so easy to get to where they are yet at the same time it seems so pointless, jibber jabber. But you know, I've come to realize jibber jabber is ultimately a good thing, it makes us feel important, it makes us feel alive and connected. Content, that we have a connection with someone because that is ultimately what we long for, a sense of belonging. I belong to you and you belong to me until things go south and get tough and then we give up. We move on, or we try too at least. We build walls to protect ourselves from the bad times, the hurt, the pain, the loneliness. We build walls to shut off our emotions and feelings, to protect our souls from getting hurt until the next time, the next time to start all over again. The next time when we meet someone and our thoughts and souls are consumed with showing them how much they mean to us and we let them in. We let our guards down, only to build them up again. It's a never ending cycle.

Sometimes I wish I could let this Soul out of me, free it from my body to rid myself of pain, hurt and longing. However I know in time there will be a day for this. I watched my grandmother's Soul slowly leave her body as she lay dying for three weeks, but what seemed like a lot longer. She kept hanging on and she didn't even know. I wanted to reach inside her body, grab her Soul and fling it to the heavens, because she took so long to die, to let go. The day did finally come when her Soul left on it's own volition. It left and her light went out.

All in an afternoon (after work that is..)

actually in two hours from 8pm to 10pm, I ate Thai food $20, bought a wireless router at Fry's for the house $50, filled Lucy up with gas $61, went by my PO Box basically to get bills, no one writes me any personal letters, then came home. I used to think it would take me a couple days to casually and cautiously spend something like 10 thousand dollars in a day, but now I think otherwise. I know I could spend $10k in a matter of minutes. Where does it all go?

Dec. 11th 2007 Austin Music Hall

Got my ticket today..



Last time I saw them I was on the front row of the Bass Concert Hall (Thanks to my buddy Joe who was/is the events coordinator there). I bought the new Duran Duran album Red Carpet Massacre yesterday and after a few listens there are some great tracks on there, but some duds as well. I'm just stoked to see them at the Austin Music Hall...new and improved that is.

Diwali Festival

The Barsana Dham an Austin jewel.



I doctored this shot a bit, but i still like it. All these photos were taken with my cell phone.



We arrived early for the Diwali Festival. The buzz was alive with colorfully dressed, elated children running about awaiting fireworks and dancing.




This was the scene later, as you can tell it was much more crowded and electric.

King Tears: Sessions at Conerworld

King Tears: Sessions at CornerWorld



click the photo to watch the broadcast. this had to be top 5 of one of the strangest gigs ever. we were asked to play the premiere Internet broadcast for this service called CornerWorld. it was located out in the Hill Country of Austin Texas. in a really nice house in a beautiful location, but we played in his attic that was converted into a studio. we were served some Perrier and were filmed on a really nice camera. check out the broadcast and let me know what you think.

Life

a king tears cell phone photo taken in the shadow of stage lights reflecting upon an enormous fire place. we were asked to play a community event at twin creeks country club: a neighborhood, golf course, country club community in the hill country. it was amazing scenery and vistas out there, expansive views, wonderful weather, rolling hills, the sun setting. it was an overall strange but wonderful experience. we played outside in front of this huge chimney. we were fed beef sausage on a stick (which i couldn't take part it) chicken or beef fajitas (your choice, i went with chicken) and cheese dip with nachos. plus we got paid and i snapped this really cool photo after we were done.

the diwali festival. i go into a bit more detail down on the fireworks video, so i'll spare you the descriptions other than to say it was a beautiful evening spent in a wonderful place with some wonderful people, Jonas and Lau. i am glad we hooked up and went to this event. no matter what your take is on religion, the pagentry, the colors, the energy, the happiness, the beautifulness of it all. the barsana dham is a wonderful place to have here in austin.

me and my nephew charlie watching the flower mound jaguars foot ball team play the creekview mustangs. it was a close game i was rooting for the visitors (who's side we were sitting on) and charlie was rooting for his home town the flower mound jaguars. we had a great night. it was cold. we sat under the lights. flower mound won. i wasn't too upset.

fireworks at the diwali festival. it was a beautiful evening. today was a full day. it started with a shower, some coffee, the gym, recording in the studio with hess and cully. last week i'd seen jonas and lau, we talked about going to this event if i was out of the studio in time. i was. i called them and we went. it was a beautiful event: beautiful children, people, colors, lights, food, weather, ashram, dancers, beautiful voices and music. it got really smokey after the fireworks show and as i was filming i felt some refuse float down into my eyes. enjoy the show.